Today, I placed my forehead on the keyboard and typed the letter j a hundred times. With my nose. The tip of it. Something soothing in the motion. I never loved the letter j and yet here I am, a stream of jjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjs across the page. I was supposed to water my grandmother’s roses today, …
Continue reading A Haunted House and Dying
Render. What is this body I have made? How strange, this physicality of self. The things I have become, and all of those I haven’t. Sometimes, when my eyes are not quite working right, I look like someone else inside the mirror. Unfamiliar. Foreign. I wonder if my mother would still know me—but, of course, …
My bathtub has a leak. My fucking bathtub, has a leak. I had a story posted on a site last week and in the story I talk all about how I am going to go home and run a bath. And so I go home and run a bath and all the water comes out …
Continue reading How things evolve…
There are butterflies everywhere when I wake up today. In bed, I sit and watch them swim inside the air outside my window. I have never seen so many. They are flying by in droves. Thank god for butterflies. I lost my uncle not too long ago. He went the same way that my cousin …
At the grocery store this week, a woman dropped a box of blueberries. They went everywhere. She was too old to pick them up, and people up and down the aisles just stopped and stared. I just stopped and stared. Her trembling voice, shouting “Cleanup—I need a cleanup!” Embarrassed. Close to tears. Fucking blueberries. All …
Continue reading Feeling Blue[berries]
I was looking for my anger over the last few days, wondering why it wasn’t here. Anger about my community. About what we are all going through. To be honest, though, I speak from luxury. I really do. I didn’t lose a home. I didn’t lose family or friends in the shooting. I am still …
Continue reading Re-Directed Anger: To All My Armchair Warriors
View from a mile down the road: If you didn’t know, after my last post about the shooting, my community has since been on fire (I just got internet access back). What a fucking week. I went from a town vigil to evacuating Adam’s mom to then evacuating myself and my family. Not to …
Continue reading From Bullets to a Fire
Today when Adam left for work, we spent a long time in the doorway wrapped up in each other’s arms. A long time. An I-don’t-want-to-let-you-go amount of time. How fucking lucky am I that I still have him to hold onto, because some of my neighbors woke up without that gift. Some fathers today woke …
Continue reading When it Hits Home: A Shooting Next Door
The Wild Heart of Life 