I spend nights alone, in a hotel room. Sometimes in a cabin in the mountains.
The cabin in the mountains, they’ve done up so that it’s covered in deer prints and wolf prints and bear prints and plaid. Enamel crockery. Indoor hanging vines. Big picture window, so I can stand naked and cry before the world.
In the bathroom, a neat and tidy bar of soap. With lavender, unused. I don’t use it because I do not like the way that square shapes fit inside my hand the angles pressing up against my palms. I replace it with a bar of round soap that I’ve brought from home. Each morning, I neatly hang the towel, but leave the bathmat crumpled in the corner.
No one can find me here, not even God if he was looking to begin with.
In town each afternoon, I have a single beer at the saloon. Warm, I walk the lake and fill my pockets with the stones and wormwood that I find along the shore. I return to the cabin before sunset, because I do not like the way that small towns look and sound at night. I line up my treasures on the hearth, examining each one before the fire.
After a couple of days, the grief becomes almost bearable, but never quite. Just enough that I do not erupt in sudden fits of tears when I hear a song on the radio, or see small children playing. Just enough that I do not erupt when I smell good BBQ, or watch a single flower blooming from a patch of grass.
Just enough.
Your words, like a river flow, so easily to my ear. Beautiful expressed, Shayleene. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, as always, Eliza. Big love and be well ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Intensely beautiful!
Hi Shayleene,
You recently became a follower of my website and I had a a drawing for my new book The Promise, a memoir by me Connie Rife. Your name was picked. There is no cost I am giving you a signed copy. I just need to know where to send it. If you are not interested I will pick another name. Please let me know.
Thank you
Connie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi Connie! I am definitely interested and would love to read your story. I just saw your email and will reach out. Thank you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
very good.
LikeLike
The crazy & beautiful flow of words…sadness felt as I read every single of them…as if you painted a lively picture…with so many emotions & depth…you’re on a sacred journey…that I can feel…thx for sharing…Shayleene
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you friend for reading. Be well ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
True and beautiful writing
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you sister ❤
LikeLike
I am sure God could find you anywhere! Praying for you as you walk through grief! Beautiful writing, expressing thoughts!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! God does find us everywhere, sometimes though, I feel a little sorry for myself 😉 Big love friend!
LikeLike
You’re welcome! Lots of love! Marland
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are very, very good.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. I like to think of it as very, very full of words. I appreciate you being here and sharing this space with me. ❤
LikeLike
Damn, you’re good. I wish I saw more stuff like this in literary magazines.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow thank you. I appreciate you being here and reading my words. Big love to you, friend ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
The Balance – a bit like her sister, Perfection – always looked for, occasionally achieved.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ahhh I love that language. This is phrased so beautifully. Thank you friend ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLike
Pingback: Sunshine Blogger Award #2 – Lotus Laura
Put so well.
LikeLike
I love how words were combined in this blog of yours. Strong and powerful emotions run through my heart while reading it. Awesome! ☺️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you friend! Love your sunflower emoji–my favorite flower. Thank you for bringing sunshine this way 🙂 ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Good to know 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Beautifully written, I love this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you. Blessings and be well ❤
LikeLike
I am moved with appreciation for you and your words. Thank you ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for sharing in this movement ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sounds nice, I enjoyed reading this. Sorry grief is involved. I know what you mean about the soap shape, I like curves, Sandalwood please.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Grief is good. For me, it translates into empathy and compassion. Yes, we are sorry for it–but man, beautiful results.
LikeLiked by 1 person