Ritual

My cousin told me once that when she was trying to quit smoking, she buried her tobacco.  She walked all along down the beach until she found a place within the sand and she buried it.  If I remember right, she rolled one last cigarette before she nested the loose shreds of leaves into the …

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Bad Hairdo at a Funeral

Nothing is too ugly for this world.  I think, rather, it is us pretending not to see. My father tells me a story, about my grandfather’s funeral, and how an uncle approached him and asked if he had seen the casket yet. I am two, maybe three, on some stranger’s lap probably beside my brother, …

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A Note on Misplaced Worry

Watch this Video I said that when I revamped the blog, it was going to be different than it was before.  A bit more real—more rugged and more raw.  Exploratory.  Experimental. I think, if anything, it’s proven mostly to be confusing to the people who are close to me. Our society is a social media …

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A Rendering…

Render.  What is this body I have made? How strange, this physicality of self.  The things I have become, and all of those I haven’t. Sometimes, when my eyes are not quite working right, I look like someone else inside the mirror.  Unfamiliar.  Foreign.  I wonder if my mother would still know me—but, of course, …

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Feeling Blue[berries]

At the grocery store this week, a woman dropped a box of blueberries.  They went everywhere.  She was too old to pick them up, and people up and down the aisles just stopped and stared.  I just stopped and stared.  Her trembling voice, shouting “Cleanup—I need a cleanup!”  Embarrassed.  Close to tears.  Fucking blueberries.  All …

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Re-Directed Anger: To All My Armchair Warriors

I was looking for my anger over the last few days, wondering why it wasn’t here.  Anger about my community.  About what we are all going through. To be honest, though, I speak from luxury.  I really do.  I didn’t lose a home.  I didn’t lose family or friends in the shooting.  I am still …

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