It has been six months since my grandmother’s passing. Sometimes things like art grow still inside a grieving heart. Perhaps I’m ready to write again. Time will tell.
She was singing a year ago,
Thanksgiving in our kitchen,
Which is why I remember it.
Now I watch, through the narrow slit of a newly painted white doorway
Listen for her rattled breath behind the door.
Mother, I say into the phone, you need to come back home.
While we wait for her, the mother / the daughter, I sing
Ease her into sleep—
Lyrics fall through translucent skin
They land upon the mattress underneath her.
I’m not ready—
I say these words out loud I speak them like a prayer over her white nightgown—
Everything in here is white
Except her lips are turning blue.
She could be anybody’s grandmother
But she is mine
I’m not ready.
Do you know who I am?
She is already too far away.
I should tell her it’s okay to let go
I should seal her lips with mine and say goodbye
Instead I seal her lips with mine and breath to keep her living.
My fingers run the hem of her nightgown
Lace and yellow roses,
Her breath moves through the bedroom like a bird
I cannot catch it.
Instead, I fill a teacup with white wine
And light a cigarette.
Instead, I get in bed with her, the living and the dead;
I draw out the last love from her skin
Before decay.
I get in bed with her,
Place a few words on the nape of her neck
And cover them with hair
So no one else can find them.
We save her for the next day
Light a candle for the smell—
Her skin like marble
Lips like sapphire
I’d like to bury her with crystals in the yard.
Instead, I gather herbs and place them in her hands
Ask her if I might keep the pyrex in the kitchen.
A beautiful and moving poem, Shayleene. You’ve had too much grief for one so young, scars on your tender heart. Nice to see you here, you’ve been missed. Sending you hugs. ❤
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I’ve missed you all right back–I thought of you and your flowers often. Thank you for the hugs–certainly the grief has shaped me into something better, so I’ll carry that in stride. Thank you for your words ❤
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I read alot of people greiving , remembering, holding onto precious memories. My mother was a single parent and raised 3 kids . She was from a family of 14 so through the years there were many tears till eyes got dry, then the service ontop of that. I deal with death now in my own way and remember all that was good.
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This was beautiful and of a lovely special lady. ❤️
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She really was ❤
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❤️❤️
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Beautiful and heart-wrenching. May her passing be a blessing.
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Thank you ❤
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This is sorrowful-ly beautiful. I enjoyed the read.
I also know that “I am not ready”…I make decision in my head but my hands betray me over and over again.
I love this.
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Thank you–love that imagery of hands betraying. They certainly do. Be well friend.
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My grandmother is my guardian angel
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Isn’t it wonderful how they continue to exist beside us? Keep on friend ❤
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And within us. Thank you, Shayleene. Be healthy. —CC
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You as well 🙂
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Condolences and Strength Shayleene.
Reverse rolls and understand she would want you to remember fondly as you walk forward.
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Beautiful poem. So sorry about the loss.
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Thank you friend ❤
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So glad to hear from you, Shayleene 🙂 I believe that losing a loved one is the greatest pain we humans experience. It takes time for a grieving heart to heal. A big hug ❤
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lovely. and my condolences… ♥♥ 🙏
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❤
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Jesus fuck…you’re me.
(except more lovely).
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So sorry for your loss. I’m sure your grandmother would be proud of you for working through your grief and sharing these tidbits with the world. As you can see from the other comments, you’re not alone at all.
Thank you for following The Write Edge. I hope you find the posts interesting and informative. All the best to you on your writing and healing journey.
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Thank you friend ❤ Looking forward to connecting here!
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Yes, definitely! Have a great day and week.
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New look blog too. 🙂 I like it. clean and uncluttered. 🙂
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Yes! trying out some de-cluttering here in the new year 🙂
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This is beautifully rendered. I’m glad you could write it. It must have been hard.
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I’m glad I could write it as well. Stay well friend ❤
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This very good writing, thanks for sharing 👋🏼
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This is beautiful Shayleene and such a testiment to your love of your grandmother. I’m so sorry for your loss! This was a very dejavu story for me with a dear friend/ client and my mother in law.
It truly is a treasure and so difficult to say goodbye. I love your last line.
Thanks for the follow.. it’s lovely to meet you. ❤️🙏 Cindy
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Thank you. Lovely to meet you as well–look forward to connecting here ❤
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you’re so welcome!!!
Thanks, it’s a deal then! 💖
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You are one of those who walk among us that carry significance in words that others could not dare to reach for, and I love that power of emotion above all. This is a power that wrenches tears from those who have hid it and cannot hide it when they read your words, defying the heat, like the Pyrex in the kitchen that means so much more than Pyrex in the kitchen.
X
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Pyrex in the kitchen always means so much more than pyrex in the kitchen, doesn’t it? Thank you for your words. There is so much healing in unravelling ourselves on paper. Be well friend ❤
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I don’t think we are ever ready to say good-bye to our grandmas. But when I miss mine I remember one day I will see her again – whole and happy. You use words beautifully. And I do want to thank you for choosing to follow my blog. May it bring you hope and encouragement.
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No, we certainly are not. Thank you friend, look forward to connecting with you on here.
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This is a beautiful and lovely poem ❤. A fitting tribute. I know she’s proud.
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Thank you ❤
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Hello Shayleene,
This is such a beautiful piece written about a life event many would have shied away from tackling. Thank you for the courage taken to work this out in words, and I hope that it has helped with your journey through grief. It will help many others in due course,
best wishes
Julian
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Thank you Julian. Appreciate your words. Be well and safe ❤
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Beautifully written, Shayleene!
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Beautiful!
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